Worrying about children's safety is rarely an "overreaction". The best way to work with your young children now is to become as aware as you can of healthy sexual development, talk with your children regularly in age-appropriate ways about their bodies and boundaries and create a family safety plan that includes open communication and rules about touch and privacy in the home. This is a way to make things very clear to children and to adults. For instance, some families teach their children that they have “No Touch Zones” – usually where their bathing suits cover them, or between the waist and the knees – and that no one is allowed to touch them (except for the reasons I already mentioned) in these areas. It would be great if you and he could reach agreement on some rules about privacy boundaries with your kids. This would be the time to include any other observations you have that concern you. If you do see additional behaviors that trouble you, please contact us back for further guidance.Īfter looking over some these resources, including some of those indicated below, sit down and have a conversation with your husband about how certain types of touching, even when the intention is loving, can be harmful to children. Look for patterns or repetitious behavior that you’ve requested him to limit or stop. As you review these, note whether you see any of these behaviors in your husband.
From Diapers to Dating: A Parent's Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children is a book that can be a helpful resource for parents.Īnother tool of prevention is to become aware of the Behaviors to Watch for When Adults Are With Children and Signs That an Adult May Be At-Risk to Harm a Child. There are, of course, exceptions to this – such as when a very small child needs help with toileting or bathing, or when there is need for medical attention. This is a very important piece of prevention in regards to the possibility of sexual abuse. To help protect children against abuse, children need to be taught that they can say no to touching, and that their "no" will be respected. Caressing a child’s leg (even a child as young as 3) can make them feel uncomfortable and overstimulated, and they may feel much more comfortable with a hug, or kiss on the cheek.įocusing on a child’s private parts, such as you described your husband doing in showing off his daughter’s bottom can send a message to her that any adult can touch or show off her body. Children are way too young and emotionally immature to be able to handle feeling overstimulated sexually. Parents also need to be aware that they must be careful not to overstimulate a child’s sexual feelings. This kind of overstimulation causes children to become cranky and overtired. Most parents are careful that their children are not overstimulated in many different ways and in many areas of their lives, such as too much loud music, too much TV, too much food, too much play and activity. Your husband may not be aware of this, and so not understand the effects of his behaviors on your children’s feelings. It is often hard for some adults and parents to realize that even at age 3 children are sexual beings and experience sexual feelings.
Yes, perhaps your husband is just a dad who loves his children a whole bunch and uses touch to demonstrate his affection, but if his behaviors raise questions for you, now is a good time to address safety in your home. It’s never an overreaction to worry about a child’s safety – even when it concerns loved one’s behaviors. Whenever an adult has any concern – whether it’s a gut feeling, an observation or other experience – with another adult’s behaviors with children, it is always wise to talk about it.